The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life

I've had stomach pains my entire life, so I didn't think much of it when I had a stomach ache one morning before school when I was twelve. I just called my mom at work and told her that I didn't feel well and I didn't want to go to school that day. She gave me permission to stay home.
My stomach pains continued to get worse. I got very nauseous and had horrible diarrhea at the same time. I was losing fluids from every possible location. I would stop shitting just long enough to vomit and then back to shitting! I felt awful. The only time I got any sort of respite from intensely horrific pain was when I was sleeping, which I could barely achieve anyway.
When my mom came home I told her that I couldn't hold down any food and my stomach was absolutely killing me. She told me to take some medicine and take it easy and then rushed off to go bowling a few towns over.
While she was at the bowling alley I called a few times and had her paged to come up to the front. I think I told the guy who answered the phone to page her with, "Jane Patterson, your dying son is on the phone…" That must have hit a nerve because after bowling she came home and went to sleep!
I lost all hope that I would be seeing my 13th birthday and fell asleep that night expecting to wake up with my dried bloody intestines spilling from my belly onto my multicolored blanket my mom crocheted for me a year before.
I awoke at 5am with a start; my mom shook me awake saying, "We've got to get you to the emergency room." So I threw on my best gray sweatpants and t-shirt and went and got into the car. The entire ride to the hospital was hell. I couldn't get comfortable sitting up. When I got to the hospital we stood at the front desk and I suddenly realized that I had to shit really badly. I informed my mom and made my way toward the nearest restroom.
But I didn't quite make it. Imagine the most concentrated brown bile squirting from your ass involuntarily. It had absolutely no consistency to it. It was just liquid shit and it smelled like a bouquet of roses, obviously. It smelled like aged intestines and the end product of what is done with all the filth you shove down your mouth hole.
When I got into the bathroom I relieved myself as best I could, but I was already relieved before I even got to the bathroom. I cleaned up all the shit that ran down the back of my thigh into my sock. After using two full rolls of toilet tissue I flushed and went to the sink to wash up. My face was so yellow with jaundice that I thought I was Chinese or a Simpson.
I returned to my mom at the front desk and told her that I had lost control of my bowels and she just said "Oh." How the fuck do you respond to something like that?
Coincidentally it wouldn't be my mother's first run in with poo poo. She was a saint for what she put up with, not from me, but from my grandmother.
When I was around ten years old and my mom, my step-dad Felix, and I were eating Chinese food in my grandmother's kitchen. We just stopped over to say hi and to eat our food, but grandma had other plans. Unbeknownst to Felix and me, my grandmother was constipated and decided to take a laxative, one whose instructions read "Take before you fall asleep at night." Instead she took it in the middle of the day. She raced to the bathroom as fast as her grandma legs could carry her. Let me explain, my grandmother has always been really big. I could go into greater detail, but it'd probably be better if I didn't for the sake of your gastrointestinal health.
On her way to the toilet she entered the bathroom, closed the door, and shit all over the wall. She cleaned up a little with a hand towel and made her way into the kitchen, where we were eating. She poked her head in and said "Janie… I had an accident."
My poor mother had to stop eating and go clean up her mother's shit from the bathroom wall. Poor woman.
I haven't even reached the best part of the story yet. I was waiting to be seen by a doctor and they got me into a gown and had to get me to the radiology department for some X-rays. As I got into my hospital gown I realized that it was very revealing from behind, and bearing in mind my most recent dorsal problems, I knew that it wasn't going to bode well for me or my young self-esteem.
A nurse wheeled me down to the radiology department in a gurney. Arriving there, they instructed me to stand in front of a specialized led wall. The X-ray technician revealed herself from behind another wall in the X-ray room. She was a smoking hot chick of not more than 30 years. She walked over and told me that I needed to move to my right or my left a few feet so as to get a better picture of my troubled belly. Right when she placed her hand on my midsection I let loose with a copious stream of liquid feces. It looked as though I had melted desert topping emanating from my asshole.
This is one of my formative moments in life. I just remember linking my recognition of beauty in a female with my uncontrollable bowels and the look on her face saying, "It's okay, it's okay. It's perfectly all right to shit yourself in front of me."