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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tough Guy Haircuts

I was recently thinking that haircuts and facial hairstyles used to be a good indicator of what people not to mess with. Through time, however, these iconic tough guy haircuts have been worn away by popular opinion. As I shall prove in this article, there is not one hairstyle left for a tough guy to wear that somebody else hasn't already ruined. It might go to show that each hairstyle has a lot of range, showing both extremes of attitude in an individual. If nothing else, it's funny to see the extremes pasted right next to one another.


This hairstyle used to say, "I pity the fool who talks smack about my hair!" Now it just says, "Heeeeeeyyyyy!!!!!!" When someone would say mohawk to you before you could easily conjure up images of bloodthirsty savages ready to disembowel anybody for nearly any reason.

Now, sadly, that image has been replaced by a guy with a fauxhawk that would generally rather talk about his feelings.


This facial hair style used to clearly label the person who wore it as a person who might kick your ass if you try to start something. But after the Village People came around with their hit song "YMCA," the mustache owner might do something entirely different to your ass.


It's a good word of advice that you shouldn't think everyone with a mullet is an inbred yokel or a fan of country music. Some people with mullets are way too into fighting (usually highly trained in muay thai) and beat other people into bloody pulps for a living.

But have no fear! Most people with mullets are as gentle as kittens as John Stamos' lovely locks show. He looks like the type of guy that could be on a women's shampoo commercial.


The beard is probably the most manly of all facial hair styles. It combines rugged mountain man with the "I don't care what you think" attitude. Of course, it can also go the other way. Be careful with this one.

Before you know it you could be rearranging flowers and
designing your own table cloths. There's definitely a lot of space between the two pictures shown. People who wear beards are: old guys, maniacs, hipsters, nancy boys, military guys, the most interesting man in the world, hockey players, and Sean Connery.


The bald look is one that appears particularly aggressive. Whether you're an older guy losing your hair and you want to say, "ahh screw it" and shave it all off, or you're a complete nut who's just pooped his or her pants, this look is definitely a head turner.
(I have a close haircut myself). This hairstyle is often worn by soldiers, monks, skinheads, cancer patients, black dudes, and flat out insane people. This look definitely transcends all boundaries.


Usually this look says inner city, but sometimes it can say suburbs. Most guys or girls who have them tend to be black and have some street credibility. It's a painful hairstyle to have, but it gets the message across that you are not to be messed with because if you'll sit still for three hours while someone fiddles with your hair, who knows what other lengths you'll go to. The hairstyle can sometimes get highjacked by those who will use its outlandishness to get attention. Most of these people are just jackasses.

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